I often get asked, how do I know when I am recovered? This is a tricky question because it infers that recovery is binary and there is one fixed way. It doesn’t really allow for the gray rainbow space in between that is unique to each and every one of us. While there are definitions of what recovered from an eating disorder looks like, it’s important for each individual to understand what recovery looks like for them.
We are all unique
Each of us has a different story, brains, nervous systems, medical conditions, lived experience, health concerns, social and cultural conditioning, etc.
Many that are neurodivergent can’t access their hunger and fullness cues.
Someone with celiac disease will have to always abstain from gluten and have to spend a lot of time thinking and planning and might have some level of fear or anxiety when eating food prepared by someone else.
Someone that naturally exists in a fat body (whereas fat is a descriptor like tall or brunette) will constantly be dealing with anti-fatness from social media to doctors. They have to navigate this bias on a day to day basis. It’s really hard to be completely free of any thoughts of weight loss when everyone is telling you to do just that.
It might take someone a long time that has an extensive trauma history to heal to the point where they feel safe in the world without the eating disorder. Please remember that every person is uniquely different and thus, every recovery story will be uniquely different.
As we are all different. Each person that is on the path of recovery from an eating disorder will have to navigate their own recovery based on their individual needs. I feel that the idea of a blanket definition of being recovered does a disservice for many people. Especially when you consider perfectionism and comparison are two of the most common traits of people with eating disorders. It can then become this unattainable goal and therefore justify not doing the work to heal from the eating disorder.
When goals trip us up
Focusing on the end goal also prevents many people from seeing and honoring the wins along the way. It is my belief that owning those “small” wins helps to cultivate a sense of trust and self-efficacy that you CAN do the work. This in return allows one to continue to do the work with a sense of hope and confidence. It also makes the process seem more attainable. Celebrating the “small” wins also helps one move away from perfectionism in recovery (and in life). Breaking any goal down into smaller parts and in return wins is so effective that this is how the navy seals approach tasks!
Do you notice any anxiety or hopelessness when you ask yourself the follow question. When will I be recovered? If so, take a beat. Ground yourself to the best of your ability. Notice your breath and acknowledge where you are in this very moment. To the best of your ability, name where you are and what you are doing in service of your recovery. Maybe you’re having a really hard time and simply treading water in recovery. Perhaps, you’re realizing you need more support and actively seeking that out. Maybe you’re feeling confident in the work you’ve done and seeing providers less frequently. Wherever you are is where you are and where you are is OKAY. You might have to read that last sentence a fe times for it to sink in.
If you follow me, you know that I weave in yogic philosophy and practices in my work. So let’s take a look at this through the Yoga Sutras.
Abhyasa and Vairagya
In yoga, there are two words, abhyasa and vairagya. Abhyasa refers to the effort or practice and vairagya means non-attachment, specifically to outcomes. They are discussed in the Yoga Sutras, Sutra 1.12. This sutra speaks of abhyasa and vairagya in respect to quieting the mind.
Let’s direct this to the concept of eating disorder recovery. Can you release the idea of the end result of being recovered? Can you focus on the effort that needs to take place to heal yourself? If so, the journey can feel much more easeful. When I say effort, I mean any amount depending on where you are in your recovery and season of life.
Giving yourself permission to meet yourself (not the eating disorder) where you are at is an act of self-compassion. This also requires being honest with yourself. Being honest and acknowledging the hold that the eating disorder might have on your thoughts and behaviors. Lastly, I invite you to try to detach from any desired outcome. Specifically what it means to be recovered. This can also help to alleviate any perfectionism and comparison around the work to be done. All of this is much easier said than done!. So as always being patient and compassionate with yourself with a solid dose of honesty is the name of the game.
Rethinking “Recovered”
Let’s talk about the word recovered. This is highly debated amongst clinicians and clients. The word recovered can hold a lot of charge. Many opt for “in recovery” as opposed to recovered. This is true even after eating disorder thoughts and behaviors are quieted and one has come to a place of acceptance with their body.
I invite you to create your own term if neither resonates for you. Personally, I have been using the word reclaimed in lieu of recovered as I have reclaimed my truest self and my relationship with my body and food. Stay tuned for a blog post that will go more in depth into this!
I hope that this explanation will allow you to get more curious around this topic for yourself and move into a mindset of abhyasa (effortful practice) and vairagya or (non-attachment).
Until next time…stay curious friends! If you’re interested in learning more about integrating spirituality into your eating disorder recovery journey, I invite you to check out my course, Getting Unstuck. It teaches you all about your chakra system and how you can use the power of your chakras to help heal and reclaim your relationships with your body and food.