From a young age, I learned to people-please as a way of staying safe. I didn’t realize this was a defense mechanism until I started to consciously explore it. While I knew intellectually this was a trauma response and a deterrent from living in alignment, I would still fall back into this pattern over and over again.
Recently I was presented with an opportunity to break the pattern. It certainly did not feel like an “opportunity” in the moment. However, I was so grateful for how quickly the guidance came through.
I kid you not—it was within the hour.
The Trigger: A Misaligned Connection
For context, I had hired someone based on a trusted recommendation. This individual made me feel as though I was an inconvenience and certainly did not have my best interest in mind.
I shifted out of people pleasing and into my warrior mode—not in a violent or combative way, but in a protective way.
Once I hung up the phone, I immediately started looking to hire someone new. To my surprise, shortly after the call ended, what the individual said would take days landed in my inbox.
Part of me was happy, especially because it confirmed my warrior mode was not just felt by me.
However, a wounded part of me thought, now I’m stuck with someone I don’t feel safe trusting.
And my true Self knew: this is exactly what I need.
The Wound Revealed
Just the day before, I’d recognized a stuck point—a wound around becoming angry, defensive, and reactive when I feel like I’m being advantage of—whether or not it’s true. I recognized it and asked for help in clearing it.
The next day—voila—here was my gift. My lesson. My opportunity.
While this situation didn’t feel like I was being taken advantage of, it holds a similar vibration.
In fact, it felt like a softer vibration. I trust that if I didn’t recognize the wound needing to be seen with this experience, the next vibration I would encounter might not be as “soft.” You can learn more about this in the following blog post.
The First Message: Gratitude
Here’s how the guidance unfolded throughout my experience.
I didn’t want to fall into an old pattern of getting stuck stewing in anger, blame, resentment, and regret—so I dropped in to receive guidance. The first message blew me away.
Be grateful for this soul that brought you this gift.
In that moment, it was so clear.
He is giving me a gift—be grateful for it, and for him.
Now, I didn’t magically feel at ease after this. While I was grateful, I was still in my feels around it all.
Second Message: Presence
That night, I dreamt of exploring and redesigning basements—clearly a metaphor for digging into old, buried parts of my psyche ready to be seen and transformed.
While I could see the purposefulness of it all, I couldn’t shake the anxiety. This led to me receiving the next message.
Be with it.
Not to fix it, not to bypass it, but to truly be with it.
It was no longer about the situation or the wound. It was about connecting to the energy needing to be seen through it. I sat with the physical and energetic experience of what I was feeling.
The thinking mind was no longer in control as I was present to my experience in that moment. I felt a somewhat chaotic, contracting energy swirling in my heart center and throat.
The Invitation from a Pounding Heart
As the lesson continued to unfold, another “opportunity” came through my inbox. I felt my heart exploding out of my chest. This felt like such an interconnected aha moment.
For context, I had just finished a six-week class with a Sangoma, a South African shaman. In this class, one of the main practices was dropping into your heartbeat. Ideally, with practice, one can feel their heartbeat within four seconds.
Personally, when I’m in an agitated state (anxiety, anger, fear), my heartbeat is loud and strong.
As my heart was pounding in my chest, I realized that this pounding was an invitation. An invitation to connect with the heartbeat to bring me back to alignment—back to connection, back to the Knowing within.
The Power of the Heart Revealed
I could feel my heartbeat softening, then increasing. I was present to the waves of energy embodying through the heartbeat. It was no longer about this human experience that created anger and anxiety in me.
It was about allowing whatever was rising to the surface be felt—without having to define it. Without ruminating on the events that poked at the wound.
My body naturally shifted into Padadhirasana—an alternative to nadi shodhana where both hands are tucked beneath the armpits. In this posture, I could actually see my arms moving with the beat of my heart.
I practiced kumbhaka, or breath retention, to be sure my breath wasn’t impacting it.
In the stillness of kumbhaka, I was amazed by the power of the heart—to literally be moving my tightly tucked arms across my chest. The power and magnitude of the heart had never been so clear.
Integration in Real Time
What’s even more remarkable? I’m writing this less than 20 hours after the experience began. That’s how quickly clarity can arrive when we remain open.
Though I know there’s more to explore and heal, this is the first time I’ve felt truly calm since it all began. As I put this into words—however limited language may be—i am able to embody it more deeply.
Realization in Form
After meeting this person in the flesh, everything made sense and there was no anger. Every moment of frustration now seen through a clearer lens with the aperture wide open.
Not only did I see the experience with new eyes, I could see my own wounding and defensiveness with greater clarity.
With the guidance that came through at the very start of this growth opportunity, I can now see it all in the bigger context.
There is no anger. There is no regret.
Only clarity, gratitude and hope that I can embody this level of Knowing in future growth opportunities.
And until next time friends, stay curious!
Your Might Enjoy:
- Divine Timing On The Road: What A Reckless Driver Taught Me
- Decoding The Message In The Mistake
- A Powerful Lesson Hidden in a Few Bumps and Bruises
- Life as Theatre: How To Pull Back the Curtain of Your Reality
Creative Offering:
If these words serve you, let them fly.
If you teach from them, may they bloom again.
Credit is kind. Integrity is everything.
Blair is a registered dietitian, certified intuitive eating counselor, E-500 RYT and Reiki Master. She integrates spirituality with modern day science to help people heal and reclaim their relationship with their body and food.
Disclaimer: These are my current musings — proofread and edited by AI. This content is intended for informational and inspirational purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the support of a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional regarding any concerns or conditions.