Do you judge yourself when an old habit or pattern arises? Today I want to share a way to befriend these moments, thus releasing the judgement and healing old patterns.
An Old Pattern Arises
The other night I started to think about something that I used to ruminate on.
Not gonna lie, I judged myself for it.
But then I observed how “seemingly” random and out of the blue it was and so I got curious. As I sat with it, during a commercial break, I realized it was arising as a breadcrumb for me to heal.
Healing Old Patterns
Upon reflection, I immediately realized why I ruminated on it for so long and so intensely.
It held the energy or pattern of another experience, that ended up being quite traumatic for me.
And I shared that it was during a commercial break for a reason.
I again low key judged myself because I thought I should be very precious and therapeutic about the process. Another part wondered if maybe I was doing it this way because I was just being “lazy” or maybe scared to truly look into it.
But this experience surprised me in many ways.
Following my instinct to just drop in during the muted commercial break showed me that it doesn’t have to be this long drawn out dramatic event.
I dropped in and receive the message.
To be fair, I only believe this was possible because I’m in a state of alignment. It would be wildly foolish of me to tell you that anyone can just drop in like this and go about their day.
I’m sharing it to show that, when in deeper states of alignment, the healing process can take place during a commercial break without any unnecessary self-identification with past events.
Please also know that this has been a unique lesson of mine, so I can’t say it will be true for everyone.
The lesson for me is to release the emotional weight I often give to events. I don’t do it as much any more, but it certainly contributed to decades of rumination. Well, that plus OCD and not knowing how to actually process emotions.
It’s been a journey friends!
So again, this was my experience and I truly hope it’s possible for anyone and everyone that it resonates with, but please seek professional support first. I had yeeeaaars of it, which is why this was also able to take place with such ease.
Healing Past Trauma
You might be wondering if there was unhealed “stuff” from the trauma.
So was I…
I sat with the trauma to see if there was something not fully healed.
There was, but not around the trauma. Which is exactly why this opportunity presented itself.
I did the work around the trauma, but not the energetic pattern and judgement I had towards myself in choices that I made. To be fair, I ruminated on that as well in the past, but I wasn’t able to hold the emotional weight of it.
Clearly, I needed an unrelated and softer experience to revisit it. Though, I didn’t see it clearly at the time.
Years later I finally do.
In getting curious around this old pattern arising, I understood why I ruminated on it for so long and with such intensity.
I also held a much deeper level of self-compassion with how I judged myself for harping on something, so “silly”.
I understood why now.
It was holding the energy that I was not able to fully hold space for from a past trauma.
When Is It Healed?
If you’re like me, you might be wondering, how do you know if its healed?
Great question!
I don’t definitively know for sure. It seems there are always deeper layers of healing to be done.
But for me, the moment felt complete.
I didn’t cry or feel deeply, which honestly made me question if I was doing “it right”. You’re supposed to cry with these things, right?
In questioning that, I realized that healing doesn’t always have to look a certain way.
This experience was similar to having a profound realization. I felt more awe and gratitude than sadness and anger.
Healing paradigm shift indeed.
I also trust if there is more, it will arise.
And I know that if its not fully healed, I will have an experience that allows me to recognize the old pattern to heal it. I just hope I see it in real time.
And…
Perhaps that’s a pressure I don’t need to put on myself.
An Invitation to Heal
If you are in a place of alignment and something arises, notice your reaction. Do you judge yourself? Push it away? Get angry? Get curious?
Just simply notice how you react or respond because that gives you valuable information. If and when you’re ready, can you get curious around it?
Is it offering any insight?
This poem that I wrote might shed more light on this.
If you find yourself in an old pattern,
Perhaps its there to teach you
To remind you
To support you
Rather than push it away or shame yourself
Can you thank it for showing up
And offer it a seat at the table
Not to engage it it
But to show you why it’s there.
To show you how far you’ve come
To reflect back deeper layers, still in need of healing
Representing your own growth and capacity to go deeper
To heal beyond the point in which you believed you could.
For example, often working with eating disorder clients that were in stable recovery, an old thought would arise. We’d explore it to see if it was a message. Were they anxious or overwhelmed about something and not realizing it? Was it an anniversary of an event? Were they ready to heal at a deeper level? Ready to find compassion for themselves?
Also knowing, it could just be a fleeting thought. Showing you how far you’ve come…
That’s why being curious through the lens of the neutral observer is so powerful.
Go Deeper
To be honest friends, this was supposed to be a quick intro to another post I wrote.
Yet this has turned into a post onto itself…and rightfully so.
Feel free to check out the accompanying piece about working with old patterns arising to help shift out of self-judgement.
Until next time friends, stay curious!
You Might Enjoy
- From People-Pleasing to Presence: A Healing Unfolding
- The Illusion of Safety Through Control: Learning to Surrender to Life
- What Emotional Can Triggers Teach Us
- The Misdirection of Energy: A Path to Finding Balance
Creative Offering:
If these words serve you, let them fly.
If you teach from them, may they bloom again.
Credit is kind. Integrity is everything.
Blair is a registered dietitian, certified intuitive eating counselor, E-500 RYT and Reiki Master. She integrates spirituality with modern day science to help people heal and reclaim their relationship with their body and food.
Disclaimer:
These are my current musings. This content is intended for informational and inspirational purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the support of a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional regarding any concerns or conditions.