I’ve been exploring the need for validation and the myriad of unexpected ways it can show up. And I started to get curious as to what might be driving it.
Friends, could it simply be a misdirection of energy? What if it’s coming from a place of inner wisdom and just gets distorted along the way?
If this resonates, let’s explore this concept more and how gently shifting away from needing validation can also align to your personal Truth.
Needing Validation
Ah yes, validation….
We’ve all experienced someone seeking it. Fishing for compliments feels like the quintessential example.
Though it can be obvious in others, it can sometimes be hard to see it within ourselves.
Notice if any of these feel familiar:
🤔 Expecting certain people to like your social media posts.
🤔 Wanting your friend to take your side.
🤔 Expecting recognition for something you’ve done.
As I’ve explored this within myself, I’ve noticed how often the need for validation is entangled with expectations.
In fact, this all started a year ago when I judged someone because I expected a thank you. It brought me on this path of exploration because I kept seeing how easily expectations and the need for validation showed up without any conscious awareness.
Misdirection of Energy
There is a trap with bringing awareness to patterns and behaviors that aren’t serving you. That trap is judging it.
Rather than judge it, what if we get curious?
Could needing validation simply be a misdirection of energy?
A misdirection of energy essentially means you’re doing it “right”, it’s just a little askew.
I’ve spoken about this in terms of judgement, so let’s explore this idea with validation.
And as always, its an idea, not necessarily a truth. Take what resonates and let what doesn’t also guide you.
Friends…
What if we are actually seeking attunement, congruence and alignment? Both in ourselves and in all of our relationships.
Another way to think about attunement, congruence and alignment is: you want to feel seen with a sense of connection.
But the energy is misdirected into needing validation from others.
Your Worth Is Inherent
There is nothing inherently wrong with the idea of validation. It can simply mean agreement.
However, it can hold a lot of weight for some. It can even determine if one feels worthy or not.
This hits even harder when you look at the definition of validation.
It is defined as: the act or process of proving that something is true, correct, official or worthwhile.
Worthwhile….Ooof, indeed.
A real life example might be when someone responds or doesn’t respond in the way you expect them to.
Imagine you reach out to a new friend and they don’t respond.
🤔 Notice what that brings up: Do you see the person differently? Do you see yourself differently?
🤔 Now, imagine this happens with a person that you are deeply connected to that you know loves you.
🤔 How does these scenarios feel different?
Everything is Energy
Because what’s tricky about validation is that it can become entangled with the need for agreement. We want someone to see things as we do. And it makes sense. It can helps us feel understood or reassures us that we’re not alone in our experience.
But attunement, congruence and alignment don’t necessarily require us to see things in the same way. (And please use any word, phrase or idea that resonates for you.)
Because being in congruence, attunement and alignment doesn’t mean you have to see things in the same way to experience a sense of connection and feel seen.
Why?
Because it’s more so about energy than ideas or facts.
It’s a shared experience of energy.
Imagine you and a friend are at a party and you agree its, “a vibe”.
You’re out on the dance floor all night, while your friend is in the backroom playing darts. At the end of the night, you are still in agreement it was, “a total vibe”, yet you both had wildly different experiences.
The same experience, yet different.
Friends, we don’t have to see everything the same way to feel connected to one another.
We can allow our differences to harmoniously co-exist without making them a measure of our worth.
Freeing Yourself from Needing Validation
You might be curious about actionable steps to take in this process.
I think everyone will have their own unique process, so please explore that for yourself!
My process unfolded pretty organically. It’s almost been like a program running in the background.
I set my intention for doing this work. And slowly moments started to arise to help me see it more clearly. When they arise, I explore them with compassionate curiosity.
My Process:
✨ I recognize that I’m feeling emotional discomfort and I feel it.
✨ Then I get curious!
✨I drop into observer mode and I ask:
✨”What is this experience showing me?”
✨”Did I have an expectation? Was I needing validation?”
✨I try my best to be open, see what arises and remain compassionately curious throughout the entire process.
Through this process, I realized my need for validation is often coming from a lack of trust in myself on my new path. This is then connected to my worthiness in sharing my ideas and channelings. I’m still actively working with this, but I will share any insights as they develop.
Exploring Your Own Need for Validation
If this is resonating at any level for you, I invite you to get curious around your own relationship with needing validation.
How does it affect:
🤔 Your sense of worth… ?
🤔 Your relationship with the other person… ?
🤔 Your sense of self…?
Exploration Practice:
✨ Begin to notice moments you are/were seeking validation.
✨ You can recall a past experience, or pause when a moment presents itself.
✨ Drop into your breath and into observer mode.
✨ First, notice how it feels if you received validation or if you didn’t.
✨ Notice what arises as you sit with that feeling.
✨ Then get curious and ask yourself, “knowing I am inherently worthy, what was I really needing in that moment?”
✨ Try not to think about an answer.
✨ Let it arise naturally…which can take time.
✨ Be patient and trust the process.
Visualization Exercise
You can also work with this through imagination.
Imagine…
What will life look like and feel like when I don’t need external validation to honor my inherent worth?
✨ Explore your choices, how you spend your time, who you spend your time with, how you express yourself in the world. Have fun with it!
✨ I encourage you to write it down and revisit it to see if any of these changes have manifested over time.
And if there is one thing to take away from this piece, it’s that you are inherently worthy!
Until next time, friends. Stay curious!
You Might Enjoy
- How to Shift Out of Self-Judgment
- The Same, Yet Different: A Grounded Way to Understand Unity Consciousness
- Transmuting Judgment: From Expectation to Compassion
- The Misdirection of Energy: A Path to Finding Balance
Creative Offering:
If these words serve you, let them fly.
If you teach from them, may they bloom again.
Credit is kind. Integrity is everything.
Blair is a registered dietitian, certified intuitive eating counselor, E-500 RYT and Reiki Master. She integrates spirituality with modern day science to help people heal and reclaim their relationship with their body and food.
Disclaimer:
These are my current musings. This content is intended for informational and inspirational purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the support of a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional regarding any concerns or conditions.